Difabled Hedgewytch

It takes certain magix, and indeed special ability to navigate dis-abilities, ha! A paradox. To live with several invisible illness diagnosis, whilst I can only describe from my own experience, may perhaps have echoes or resonances..

Have you mayhaps wondered, if you are one of the couple of folk who pop by here, what's chloeopal's label collection? I don't mean clothing but medical model ones.... 

Please bear in mind that these are only an aspect description of who I be, but as several of them are highly stigmatising under some circumstances, felt to blow em out of the realms o hidden, and take em for an amble along the shoreline, in the winter sunshine. 

I am diagnosed Schizoaffective (a combination of Schizophrenia and mood disorders which can take a long time to identify), Complex PTSD (which means repeated trauma, generally when young) and a pain aka nervous system gig Fibromyalgia. All are very intermeshed, distress leads to pain, leads to distress etc.....

Yesterday and today I've been working on an 'envisioning board', old skool style....scissors, paper, glue onto cardboard. It's brought me to this place of sharing not due to a pity party but because I've had to acknowledge my pacing requirements in life, now and moving forwards. For example, here are my words for moving forwards which I feel merrily reflect my current realities. Followed by a drawing crafted with blessings n incantations over it, and the collage thus far....

 

 

About a month ago I spoke with my Spirit Kin (Guides aka) whom there had been a rather long pause in dialogues with. I asked that they / welcomed them to come back into my realms of awareness, as I missed them. They have, and like through a thin veil, I see, sense and hear their presences again....as one, by one, they return. Accompanied by some new crew, some of who scared the shit out of me at first, but thats a whole nother tale! 

I simply share all this, to open the door to the beauty of Wytchery that can coexist, with difability. This is deep soulfull work. The more grounded and earthed we are, these experiences teach more deeply, with presence, time and patience given...

I'd like to mention Beverley Butterfly on YouTube and'Chronically Magickal' by Danielle Dionne. Peer support, beautifull thang! Most of all, trust yourself!

If we can be who we are, in authenticity, and shine our selfs out, mayhaps juz one other folk might feel guided to do said same, whatever their circumstances....

Blessings n good vibes, chloeopal 

 

De-composition....old growth forests and aspects of selves....

I have realized there's a leaf litter pattern on repeat, at times. A crafted intimacy developing, then a schism / tear, and then a barring of /cutting ties with, or having them cut from me. In particular around expressed vulnerabilities like well being challenges / difabilitys, or shock when I reveal the depths of distress experienced with living's ways. Such as involving ideation, or when I lose the sheen...

It's been a losing / loss that's repeated, and I can see it could continue to. Is this simply part of life's cycles, phases and ebb n flow? Like the building up of fallen leaves becoming a bed o mulch at tree base?

It can cause much wounding, and deep grief, acceptance as required, yet also anger, that this is in the flow of my oft gentle meandering path…..

People once dear and beloved over heartbeats... 

This last month has been fairly rough at times, and I'm a little weary of life's vicissitudes, to say the least. Are they simply as is, part thereof? A pause, here and there, to gather one's courage for the next bout? When will it strike next? Shadow work?

Yet, amidst suchnesses, in the last month I have completed a witchin' stitchin' piece 'de-composition' around such themes. Composted relationships (including with previous aspects of ourselves), lives n leaves, and situations.....their breaking down. At times and regularly to lead to a very natural rebirth, like mycelium n microbiome greeblies. Mayhaps, with time, patience, crafting places of tall, even, old growth forests….

So, in this pause, I breathe into my belly, my heart...the electromagnetic pulsing core, and feel into this stillness. That it's 2.30am helps me reach such spaces, the quietude, the drop in energies loose. Right now I can be kind to what must die, hold her hand like a midwife, or doula, to beyond. It's ok Chloeopal, you can let that part go (even if only for a time, as rehearsal). Let it compost, break down happens, growth too....

These are linked processes.....

Like Sista Luna’s dance amidst stars….

 

Witchin' stitchin'.......work in process.....