De-composition....old growth forests and aspects of selves....

I have realized there's a pattern on repeat, at times. A crafted intimacy developing with someone, then a schism / tear, and then a barring of them /cutting ties or having them cut them with me, in particular around expressed vulnerabilities like well being challenges. "Oh everyone has something!" or shock when I reveal the depths of distress experienced with living's ways, such as involving ideation, or attack (defensive generally) some aspect of who they are/ I lose the sheen...

It's been a losing / loss that's repeated, and I can see it could continue to. Is this simply part of life's cycles, phases and ebb n flow? It can cause much wounding, and deep grief, whilst also acceptance as required, anger even, that this is in the flow of my meandering path...

In small communities, it may bite one back on the proverbial...

People once dear and beloved over heartbeats... 

This last month has been fairly rough at times, and I'm a little weary of life's vicissitudes, to say the least. Are they simply as is, part thereof? A pause, here and there, to gather one's courage for the next bout? When will it strike next? 

Yet, amidst suchnesses, in the last month I have completed a witchin' stitchin' piece 'de-composition' around such themes. Composted relationships (including with previous aspects of ourselves), lives and situations.....their breaking down, at times and regularly to lead to a very natural rebirth, like leaf litter full of mycellium n microbiome greeblies. Mayhaps, with time, patience, crafting places of tall even, old growth forests..

So, in this pause, I breathe into my belly, my heart...the electromagnetic pulsing core, and feel into this stillness. That it's 2.30am helps me reach such spaces, the quietude, the drop in energies loose. Right now I can be kind to what must die, hold her hand like a midwife, or doula, to beyond. It's ok Chloeopal, you can let that part go (even if only for a time, as rehearsal). Let it compost, break down happens, growth too....

These are linked processes.....