I have realized there's a leaf litter pattern on repeat, at times. A crafted
intimacy developing, then a schism / tear, and then a
barring of /cutting ties with, or having them cut from me. In
particular around expressed vulnerabilities like well being challenges / difabilitys, or shock when I reveal the depths of
distress experienced with living's ways. Such as involving ideation, or when I lose the sheen...
It's
been a losing / loss that's repeated, and I can see it could continue
to. Is this simply part of life's cycles, phases and ebb n flow? Like the building up of fallen leaves becoming a bed o mulch at tree base?
It can
cause much wounding, and deep grief, acceptance as
required, yet also anger, that this is in the flow of my oft gentle meandering path…..
People once dear and beloved over heartbeats...
This
last month has been fairly rough at times, and I'm a little weary of
life's vicissitudes, to say the least. Are they simply as is, part
thereof? A pause, here and there, to gather one's courage for the next
bout? When will it strike next? Shadow work?
Yet, amidst
suchnesses, in the last month I have completed a witchin' stitchin' piece
'de-composition' around such themes. Composted relationships (including
with previous aspects of ourselves), lives n leaves, and situations.....their
breaking down. At times and regularly to lead to a very natural rebirth, like mycelium n microbiome greeblies. Mayhaps, with time, patience, crafting places of tall, even, old growth forests….
So,
in this pause, I breathe into my belly, my heart...the
electromagnetic pulsing core, and feel into this stillness. That it's
2.30am helps me reach such spaces, the quietude, the drop in energies loose. Right now I can be kind to what must die, hold
her hand like a midwife, or doula, to beyond. It's ok Chloeopal, you can
let that part go (even if only for a time, as rehearsal). Let it compost, break down happens, growth too....
These are linked processes.....
Like Sista Luna’s dance amidst stars….
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